A Gemini in Nowhere of December

21.12.2012                                                                                                                                     (Misty)

          A misty night with stars and the moon on the sky. The mist doesn't shroud the brightness, and the dimness is so beautiful to look in the eyes. The very first thing that came across my mind was a girl who told me how the twinkling of stars cheers her from night to night, when there's nobody listen to her cries. She's not charmingly pretty, but her upbeat spirit is the attractive thing to the lonely guy like me. What's a love to a person? Heart racing when you see her? Or the sense of calm and warmth whenever you are with her? The latter sounds more like a love to me. Just have the feeling that heart racing is nothing but the hormonal triggers. The love born from the mind would not be as simple as that. If I set her photo as my personal wallpaper would it be scaring her away? I should just stop questioning and wondering from here. She's not even comparable to the treasure you spent half of your life looking for. She's the woman that you wish to spend her rest of your life with you.

          A sudden change in people-people relationship isn't something of a big deal actually. But to imagine that the friends that you met and spent most of your time with them chatting, hanging out, do lot of stupid things together parting way with you, because something that you've done out of rage without knowing them or try to understand the situation can't be forgiven by them even after you've sincerely said sorry. Honestly, I've been tired mentally. The thing isn't turn out as simple as you did wrong, apologized, forgiven, then happy ever after. In the song "Payphone", by Marron 5:
~
If "happy ever after" did exist
I would still be holding you like this
all those fairy tales are full of shit
one more fucking love song I'll be sicked
~
This might sounds like just for love. But to a friendship that you valued the most, it turns out that the feeling is the same. I guess I need to have to cool down myself regardless of what gonna happen next. It's their decisions now to let it go and forgive me or not. I have no place to stand in convincing them anything anymore. Being too emotional to a thing will turn out bad eventually, even if it's love. Emotion just provides you with joy or sorrow, but love gives you care and calmness. Learn to control emotion is the first step in love yourself, and before you can love others you have to value yourself......